Sunday, October 12, 2008

Sunday Musings

I decided to write because my cat is talking in her sleep, and I can't get over that. Someday I'll have to record it so I can save it for posterity. Too good.

The last few days I've been thinking about friendships and expectations and all kindsa other stuff along those lines. It's funny how easy it is for me to share my political beliefs or my thoughts on current affairs, but not my feelings about my life and what's going on with me. At least, not here. Who knows who'll read this thing? I've already gotten a couple of comments (outrageous and therefore deleted) from anonymous nutjobs who obviously searched the Blogger site and found my humble blog somehow. But I don't want to clamp down, I want this site to be open and easy to read and respond to. I guess I'll keep it moderately distant so that I don't have to feel all violated by the prying eyes of random strangers!

So, I'm thinking about disappointments.... the times that I've disappointed others, and the times they've disappointed me. Through it all I know I have something so good, someone that I trust so much, who trusts me so much, and that gives me more hope than I would have ever expected to know. However, it also makes it hard to accept the failings of others, and of my self toward others. It's spoiled me a bit, and the part of me that remains blithe and naive doesn't understand why everything can't be like that, why anyone wants to screw anyone else over. But I get it, or at least the part of me that hasn't been protected all these years gets it. Too many things get in the way, even when we want to do right by others. In the end, we're lucky if we have anyone at all to whom we do not feel we have been a grave disappointment.

Meow, meow, meow... Debbie Downer. Just thinking "aloud". It's never as bad as it sounds.

UPDATE: I just went outside to smoke, and every single person who passed had some kind of douchey look on their face, as if to confirm all of my low thoughts about the state of human interactions. BTW, I live on a pretty busy street. Heh.

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