I realized that I hadn't posted here in a long while and thought I'd give a little update.
Today is May 14, 2009. In a few days, Katie and I are going to Phoenix to bring the rest of our stuff back East. Well, technically, we'll still have one small storage unit in Phoenix, but the bulk of our stuff is coming out here as we expect to be out here for a while now.
Law schools... I decided, after much consideration, to attend Brooklyn Law School with very generous scholarships. As of today, I am also still on the admissions waitlists at both Georgetown and Fordham. Either of these schools would have been great to attend, but all along I've thought it was completely unlikely that I'd get accepted. Even now, I have to say, if one of them did accept me I'd almost undoubtedly change my plans, but I sure would miss the prospect of free tuition.
So, all else being equal, we're planning to move to NYC, probably to Brooklyn, in early August. I'm really excited for it, and for the start of school. This move date won't give us much time before classes start, but it's OK because we're poor anyhow and probably couldn't afford to capitalize well on a lot of extra time in the city. (Anyhow we got stuck with a full-summer lease when we had to move out of our little Comm Ave studio.) I'm hoping to move to Brooklyn Heights or one of the surrounding neighborhoods in order to be close as possible to school, but we'll see where we land as it's very expensive over there. Prospect Heights is a more reasonable neighborhood and still fairly close, as well as being the neighborhood where our BK friends live, so we very well might end up there.
Guess that's about it for now...
Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
What is up?!?!
That's about it. What's up with you all?
Naw, just kidding. I got some stuff. It's so weird, I was cranking out between 2 and 4 posts per day leading up to the election, and now... nothin'. :) I really think I got so plugged in to the news cycle that nothing seemed new or interesting enough to blog about... although that doesn't explain why I haven't been blogging since I got home. Which I suppose could be due to a whole new set of factors anyways.
Here's a thing... lately I have been reconnecting with a whole cast of random characters from my past on Facebook! There are people with whom I had nothing in common in high school, but with whom I now have tons in common. There are people with whom I was great friends in high school, and whose lives, values and interests are radically different from my own. There are people who I was sorta friends with in high school, and with whom I don't necessarily have tons in common, but who I just think (and often have always thought) are the most interesting people ever, and who make me wish I had known them better all along!
There are people who I knew from work, people I loved, people I had crushes on, people I detested, people who changed my life and people who never made one ounce of a difference, and people who I never thought would ask to be my Facebook friend. I understand that they're not really asking for my friendship, but I do think that they are asking me to take part in their lives in a way, and that makes me happy. It makes the whole "social networking" thing worthwhile despite all the annoying things about it. Importantly, these folks are generally supportive of, or indifferent toward, my sexuality. Despite having formed the thrust of much of my writing so far on this blog, it doesn't come up too often on Facebook, especially since the die-down of the Prop 8 frenzy. However, it is perfectly obvious.
On a completely unrelated note, Obama is a smart guy. That's all. He is really a smart guy. Say what you will.
I have got to get on the ball with my health and health-related goals. I gotta quit smoking, gotta lose weight. I wonder how many other blogs say the same thing, especially right now with the New Year and all. But really.
S'poseta start snowing again tonight, and we're all excited. So far I would say we're adjusting to the weather extremely well. We're well-insulated individuals.
Oh, a law school update: So far I've heard from 4. I got into the two schools I already mentioned, was rejected from NYU (no big surprise there), and got on the waitlist for Georgetown. While it's sort of nice compared to an outright rejection, being waitlisted, especially by a competitive school like that, is pretty much like being rejected. So now I'm waiting to hear back from Fordham, George Washington, and Brooklyn. I think that Brooklyn will accept me, but I'm not sure about Fordham and GW. If I get in to either of those schools, I will be not a little bit surprised!
Naw, just kidding. I got some stuff. It's so weird, I was cranking out between 2 and 4 posts per day leading up to the election, and now... nothin'. :) I really think I got so plugged in to the news cycle that nothing seemed new or interesting enough to blog about... although that doesn't explain why I haven't been blogging since I got home. Which I suppose could be due to a whole new set of factors anyways.
Here's a thing... lately I have been reconnecting with a whole cast of random characters from my past on Facebook! There are people with whom I had nothing in common in high school, but with whom I now have tons in common. There are people with whom I was great friends in high school, and whose lives, values and interests are radically different from my own. There are people who I was sorta friends with in high school, and with whom I don't necessarily have tons in common, but who I just think (and often have always thought) are the most interesting people ever, and who make me wish I had known them better all along!
There are people who I knew from work, people I loved, people I had crushes on, people I detested, people who changed my life and people who never made one ounce of a difference, and people who I never thought would ask to be my Facebook friend. I understand that they're not really asking for my friendship, but I do think that they are asking me to take part in their lives in a way, and that makes me happy. It makes the whole "social networking" thing worthwhile despite all the annoying things about it. Importantly, these folks are generally supportive of, or indifferent toward, my sexuality. Despite having formed the thrust of much of my writing so far on this blog, it doesn't come up too often on Facebook, especially since the die-down of the Prop 8 frenzy. However, it is perfectly obvious.
On a completely unrelated note, Obama is a smart guy. That's all. He is really a smart guy. Say what you will.
I have got to get on the ball with my health and health-related goals. I gotta quit smoking, gotta lose weight. I wonder how many other blogs say the same thing, especially right now with the New Year and all. But really.
S'poseta start snowing again tonight, and we're all excited. So far I would say we're adjusting to the weather extremely well. We're well-insulated individuals.
Oh, a law school update: So far I've heard from 4. I got into the two schools I already mentioned, was rejected from NYU (no big surprise there), and got on the waitlist for Georgetown. While it's sort of nice compared to an outright rejection, being waitlisted, especially by a competitive school like that, is pretty much like being rejected. So now I'm waiting to hear back from Fordham, George Washington, and Brooklyn. I think that Brooklyn will accept me, but I'm not sure about Fordham and GW. If I get in to either of those schools, I will be not a little bit surprised!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Back in business yo
Well, I just noticed my last blog post, and that's ridiculous! December 18th? My apologies to those of you who actually check this blog, I hope you will check it again sometime soon and enjoy finding new updates aplenty.
Soooo... I've heard back from two law schools so far, and each of them has admitted me! They are American in Washington DC, and Northeastern just up the road here in Boston. I have to be honest and say that I did expect to get into both of these schools... but it's nice to know for certain that I definitely will be able to attend a quality school like one of these, and it's also nice to be batting 1.000, at least for the moment!
Katie and I did the drive from Phoenix to here quite nicely... Didn't hit much weather, spent a great night in New Orleans (which we adore), saw some old friends, got to drive by the hotel that Barack Obama's been staying in, slept in some amazing hotel beds (oddly), and even hit decent traffic near rush hour in New York. Basically perfect!
So of course Katie is here with me now, and I'm just really happy. I missed her so. :) We are on the hard-core job hunt and are getting to know our (mostly) new friends who live across Comm Ave from us. I worked with one of them at Progressive in Phoenix and we happened to move to different sides of the same street in Boston! So Katie and I have been hanging out with her and her roomies & their other friends, who have proved to be delightful individuals that we get on really well with. So that's nice.
Other than that... Oh, yeah, inauguration's tomorrow! I gotta say, I'm really excited. Woulda been nice to go down there for it, but dang, there are a lot of people there right now, and apparently a lot of people making kee-raaazy money off of it. The hotels and vacation rentals were insane. And it's just a bit too far for a day trip.
I will stop here for now I suppose... But I'll be back soon!
Soooo... I've heard back from two law schools so far, and each of them has admitted me! They are American in Washington DC, and Northeastern just up the road here in Boston. I have to be honest and say that I did expect to get into both of these schools... but it's nice to know for certain that I definitely will be able to attend a quality school like one of these, and it's also nice to be batting 1.000, at least for the moment!
Katie and I did the drive from Phoenix to here quite nicely... Didn't hit much weather, spent a great night in New Orleans (which we adore), saw some old friends, got to drive by the hotel that Barack Obama's been staying in, slept in some amazing hotel beds (oddly), and even hit decent traffic near rush hour in New York. Basically perfect!
So of course Katie is here with me now, and I'm just really happy. I missed her so. :) We are on the hard-core job hunt and are getting to know our (mostly) new friends who live across Comm Ave from us. I worked with one of them at Progressive in Phoenix and we happened to move to different sides of the same street in Boston! So Katie and I have been hanging out with her and her roomies & their other friends, who have proved to be delightful individuals that we get on really well with. So that's nice.
Other than that... Oh, yeah, inauguration's tomorrow! I gotta say, I'm really excited. Woulda been nice to go down there for it, but dang, there are a lot of people there right now, and apparently a lot of people making kee-raaazy money off of it. The hotels and vacation rentals were insane. And it's just a bit too far for a day trip.
I will stop here for now I suppose... But I'll be back soon!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
What to do, then?
Learn.
First, learn to forget. Forget that you were ever a master. Forget everything you have ever known. Nothing is wrong with your cherished instrument, and nothing is wrong with you. It is simply something different from what you have known before. To know it, you must forget the rest. Forget.
Now, learn it. Learn it as a child learns language, or movement. Learn from the beginning, from the places so novice that you have long since forgotten they exist. Let those places be your new home for a while. Let your prize teach you. Ask it to teach you. Learn how to ask it.
Easy, right? If not, at least it is a path of hope, superior to all other alternatives. A discovery.
First, learn to forget. Forget that you were ever a master. Forget everything you have ever known. Nothing is wrong with your cherished instrument, and nothing is wrong with you. It is simply something different from what you have known before. To know it, you must forget the rest. Forget.
Now, learn it. Learn it as a child learns language, or movement. Learn from the beginning, from the places so novice that you have long since forgotten they exist. Let those places be your new home for a while. Let your prize teach you. Ask it to teach you. Learn how to ask it.
Easy, right? If not, at least it is a path of hope, superior to all other alternatives. A discovery.
Monday, December 1, 2008
More on that.
So, what would you do?
Would you set the instrument down and the music aside, and give up on the art that has been your expression, one of the most important parts of your life? You already know you can't keep it and play another instrument on the side. Too depressing.
Would you throw it on the fire in frustration? Smash it to bits with your bare hands? Could you destroy the memory of it? Could you prevent it from haunting you for the rest of your days? Also, I think, too depressing.
Would you keep at it day after day, week after week, year after year? Would you grow older knowing that this instrument could ruin you? Could you stand the thought of wearing your own familiar marks into its surface, knowing that inside, where it matters, and where the music happens, there might never be any sign of you, nor any evidence of your effort?
Would you loan the instrument to another, to see if perhaps it would play for someone else? What if it did? If it would play for someone else and not for you, you could surely never believe it was meant to be yours. Could you with any good conscience ask for it back? In any case, would your heart not break?
Would you set the instrument down and the music aside, and give up on the art that has been your expression, one of the most important parts of your life? You already know you can't keep it and play another instrument on the side. Too depressing.
Would you throw it on the fire in frustration? Smash it to bits with your bare hands? Could you destroy the memory of it? Could you prevent it from haunting you for the rest of your days? Also, I think, too depressing.
Would you keep at it day after day, week after week, year after year? Would you grow older knowing that this instrument could ruin you? Could you stand the thought of wearing your own familiar marks into its surface, knowing that inside, where it matters, and where the music happens, there might never be any sign of you, nor any evidence of your effort?
Would you loan the instrument to another, to see if perhaps it would play for someone else? What if it did? If it would play for someone else and not for you, you could surely never believe it was meant to be yours. Could you with any good conscience ask for it back? In any case, would your heart not break?
Just this thought.
Imagine you are a virtuoso of some sort, a master of the violin, or the piano. Imagine that you are presented with an incredible gift, the rarest and most valuable instrument in creation. It is priceless. It is a spectacular beauty, a craftwork beyond any comparison. You love it, you cherish it beyond description. It is yours, without any rival to lay claim to it. But you cannot make it play. You do everything that you have always done. Your hands and mind do all that they have ever known to do, and yet you can not manipulate the instrument, cannot make it bend to your will.
Sometimes when you attempt to play it, it is mute; sometimes, it plays all on its own. Most maddening of all, when your feeble attempts at creation do elicit some sound from the thing, you hear the sweetest sound imaginable, the richest timbre of voice, the wildest expression of passion and creativity and art. But you are unable to tame it. There is little relation between your efforts and the music. This inability consumes you. It dampens your confidence in your abilities. Yet you could never even dream of picking up another instrument... even if you did, just to prove that you are still a master, it would only serve to remind you of the one that you can not control. Your prize, your cherished one, the perfect vessel for your expression, the only caliber of instrument any longer worth playing, remains firmly in your hands and yet beyond your reach. You are surely ruined, unless you can make it play; then, and only then, you will be untouchable, a god. Your art may be lost to you forever, but it will burn inside you as long as the instrument remains in your care, willing enough to be handled but perhaps never to be mastered.
Sometimes when you attempt to play it, it is mute; sometimes, it plays all on its own. Most maddening of all, when your feeble attempts at creation do elicit some sound from the thing, you hear the sweetest sound imaginable, the richest timbre of voice, the wildest expression of passion and creativity and art. But you are unable to tame it. There is little relation between your efforts and the music. This inability consumes you. It dampens your confidence in your abilities. Yet you could never even dream of picking up another instrument... even if you did, just to prove that you are still a master, it would only serve to remind you of the one that you can not control. Your prize, your cherished one, the perfect vessel for your expression, the only caliber of instrument any longer worth playing, remains firmly in your hands and yet beyond your reach. You are surely ruined, unless you can make it play; then, and only then, you will be untouchable, a god. Your art may be lost to you forever, but it will burn inside you as long as the instrument remains in your care, willing enough to be handled but perhaps never to be mastered.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Happy-Making
There are two planets visible above the sunset tonight... quite a sight. Tried to take pictures but they do it no justice.
Also, gas across the street is $1.99. I'm sure it hasn't been that long since I last saw that, but it sure seems like an eternity, and I take some little encouragement from it.
Also, gas across the street is $1.99. I'm sure it hasn't been that long since I last saw that, but it sure seems like an eternity, and I take some little encouragement from it.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Thoughts on the afterlife
Been chatting back and forth with one of my UCLA profs, and he commented on my post about Saavik that he holds out hope for an afterlife primarily so that he can imagine his pets are there. It's so funny how true this is for me too.
I have dealt with an inordinate amount of human loss, as many of you know, and while the concept of an afterlife is something I'd probably desperately like to believe in, it just doesn't jive with my concept of what is and what is to be. Generally, I can't cling to it for humans, and maybe part of that is because human life is so complex, the notion that our awareness continues indefinitely is not altogether pleasing.
Yet, imagine for just a moment the notion of Saavik, whose huge and free personality was trapped in a crippled and somewhat immobile little bird body, finally being freed in death and finally becoming able to spread those atrophied little wings and take to the sky. I mean, how can I resist that thought? Who cares if it stands against all of my assumptions about the nature of life and death.... it is a poetic and comforting notion despite the cognitive dissonance it creates.
I'm sure it's odd to think that someone might have an easier time believing in an afterlife for animals than for humans. But I don't believe in a lot of things, like reincarnation in the conventional sense, yet it is easier for me to imagine reincarnation for animals than for humans. For us, it sounds like an overly complicated process, given the differences among human beings. Yet for animals, it kind of makes sense. What if a bird dies, and its little bird soul enters a new hatchling? Neat and tidy.
Eh. I dunno. The point is, I obviously don't believe in all that. But when it comes to the purity and innocence of an animal, it is very hard for me to imagine that just blinking out and going nowhere. I mean, I do believe in a sort of post-mortem reuptake of energy and matter into the energy and matter that make up everything, some would consider that a limited form of reincarnation or an extremely limited form of afterlife. It doesn't seem too weird to me to think that an animal's consciousness, however limited, goes on; so why does it seem so weird that my own consciousness could also continue on?
Perhaps it is because of the difference in consciousness between animals and humans. It's not as if Saavik is analyzing her situation in the afterlife, should that in fact be where she now resides. She's probably just flying back to the jungle from whence her ancestors came, happy as a clam in mud. Now, if I were to die, and still be aware of things.... brr. Don't much care for it. I'm analytical enough now as it is. I guess I could grow to like the idea that I would enter into a euphoric state immediately upon my death, or an all-encompassing state that would have no emergent characteristics at all. But it still doesn't ring true for me.
Perhaps it is because I grew up with the notions of God and heaven and hell, and now believe that I would probably go to hell should such a thing exist and the criteria actually rest upon faith! Ha ha. Although even when I believed in the notion of heaven, and that I was headed in that direction, I rejected it. It was never reason enough for me to stay in service to my God of old once I obliterated my faith with questions, and it never could be now. I mean, I grew up with a lot of other notions too, and one was that the literal heaven and hell were probably mischaracterizations or exaggerations of afterlife states revealed by God that we humans couldn't describe or understand very well. That still makes more sense to me than the literal version.
Well, as usual, I've turned a little blurb into a dissertation. But I'm learning, and what I've learned here is that my desires, what I want life and death to mean, still shape my views on life and death more than I would care to admit. I just don't know if that is a bad thing or not... for example, I have always taken comfort in my mom's faith since her death. There is a part of me that wonders how it could not mean anything at all to believe so strongly in a loving Savior and that you'd be with him, in his arms, in the instant of your death. My mom believed that with all her heart, used to joyously sing songs about it in fact, and if there is any order to the universe it is hard to imagine that her faith amounted to nothing upon her death.
To that end, maybe the afterlife is exactly what you believe in life that it will be? That's a creepy thought too, but one that others have certainly advanced. I mean, our perception completely shapes our understanding and experience of life, so if our consciousness is perpetuated, couldn't it also shape our experience of afterlife? In that case, however, it'd be hard to advocate for an afterlife for animals as it is doubtful they spend much time cogitating on the possibility. For that matter, same thing for babies and children who leave us just as they come in to the world. Doesn't seem right to think that babies just blink out simply because they haven't been around enough to worry about their own mortality yet. Or that crazy religious zealots get to enter into bliss while perfectly decent people who tend to no faith merely disappear. Toss that idea. :)
Well... this has accomplished nothing other than making me feel uncomfortable about the influence my personal desires can have on my existential beliefs. :) I guess I still feel it's improbable that my best feathered friend is now flying free, happily munching on fresh tropical fruit and finding herself a handsome bird boyfriend in the jungle, but I like the idea too much to let go of it just yet. :)
I have dealt with an inordinate amount of human loss, as many of you know, and while the concept of an afterlife is something I'd probably desperately like to believe in, it just doesn't jive with my concept of what is and what is to be. Generally, I can't cling to it for humans, and maybe part of that is because human life is so complex, the notion that our awareness continues indefinitely is not altogether pleasing.
Yet, imagine for just a moment the notion of Saavik, whose huge and free personality was trapped in a crippled and somewhat immobile little bird body, finally being freed in death and finally becoming able to spread those atrophied little wings and take to the sky. I mean, how can I resist that thought? Who cares if it stands against all of my assumptions about the nature of life and death.... it is a poetic and comforting notion despite the cognitive dissonance it creates.
I'm sure it's odd to think that someone might have an easier time believing in an afterlife for animals than for humans. But I don't believe in a lot of things, like reincarnation in the conventional sense, yet it is easier for me to imagine reincarnation for animals than for humans. For us, it sounds like an overly complicated process, given the differences among human beings. Yet for animals, it kind of makes sense. What if a bird dies, and its little bird soul enters a new hatchling? Neat and tidy.
Eh. I dunno. The point is, I obviously don't believe in all that. But when it comes to the purity and innocence of an animal, it is very hard for me to imagine that just blinking out and going nowhere. I mean, I do believe in a sort of post-mortem reuptake of energy and matter into the energy and matter that make up everything, some would consider that a limited form of reincarnation or an extremely limited form of afterlife. It doesn't seem too weird to me to think that an animal's consciousness, however limited, goes on; so why does it seem so weird that my own consciousness could also continue on?
Perhaps it is because of the difference in consciousness between animals and humans. It's not as if Saavik is analyzing her situation in the afterlife, should that in fact be where she now resides. She's probably just flying back to the jungle from whence her ancestors came, happy as a clam in mud. Now, if I were to die, and still be aware of things.... brr. Don't much care for it. I'm analytical enough now as it is. I guess I could grow to like the idea that I would enter into a euphoric state immediately upon my death, or an all-encompassing state that would have no emergent characteristics at all. But it still doesn't ring true for me.
Perhaps it is because I grew up with the notions of God and heaven and hell, and now believe that I would probably go to hell should such a thing exist and the criteria actually rest upon faith! Ha ha. Although even when I believed in the notion of heaven, and that I was headed in that direction, I rejected it. It was never reason enough for me to stay in service to my God of old once I obliterated my faith with questions, and it never could be now. I mean, I grew up with a lot of other notions too, and one was that the literal heaven and hell were probably mischaracterizations or exaggerations of afterlife states revealed by God that we humans couldn't describe or understand very well. That still makes more sense to me than the literal version.
Well, as usual, I've turned a little blurb into a dissertation. But I'm learning, and what I've learned here is that my desires, what I want life and death to mean, still shape my views on life and death more than I would care to admit. I just don't know if that is a bad thing or not... for example, I have always taken comfort in my mom's faith since her death. There is a part of me that wonders how it could not mean anything at all to believe so strongly in a loving Savior and that you'd be with him, in his arms, in the instant of your death. My mom believed that with all her heart, used to joyously sing songs about it in fact, and if there is any order to the universe it is hard to imagine that her faith amounted to nothing upon her death.
To that end, maybe the afterlife is exactly what you believe in life that it will be? That's a creepy thought too, but one that others have certainly advanced. I mean, our perception completely shapes our understanding and experience of life, so if our consciousness is perpetuated, couldn't it also shape our experience of afterlife? In that case, however, it'd be hard to advocate for an afterlife for animals as it is doubtful they spend much time cogitating on the possibility. For that matter, same thing for babies and children who leave us just as they come in to the world. Doesn't seem right to think that babies just blink out simply because they haven't been around enough to worry about their own mortality yet. Or that crazy religious zealots get to enter into bliss while perfectly decent people who tend to no faith merely disappear. Toss that idea. :)
Well... this has accomplished nothing other than making me feel uncomfortable about the influence my personal desires can have on my existential beliefs. :) I guess I still feel it's improbable that my best feathered friend is now flying free, happily munching on fresh tropical fruit and finding herself a handsome bird boyfriend in the jungle, but I like the idea too much to let go of it just yet. :)
Sunday, November 16, 2008
What a crazy, wonderful, and very sad day.
Today, November 15th, 2008, was:
The day I sent my first law school applications in for review.
The day I got my components back in working order.
The day I saw hundreds of thousands around the US and the world take to the streets in the hope that people like me will eventually be able to be legally married to the ones we love.
The day I saw up close all the different kinds of people engaged in that fight, and knew two things for certain - there is nothing dividing us, not race, religion, or anything else, that can't be overcome; and yes, it really is just a matter of time, and the clock, history, and now the momentum are all on our side.
Today was the day I felt so proud of Katie for marching alone in Phoenix. I mean, she didn't go by herself, she was with friends. but nobody dragged her there. She got up early and went because she wanted to go and thought it was important, and she marched from the City Hall to the Capitol and back (if you know Phoenix, that's hella far). That's my girl. :)
Today was my good friend's 30th birthday. She's accomplished so much, I hope she's proud of herself, though I know those warm fuzzies are in short supply these days. Anyways, I'm proud of her.
Today was, sadly, also the day I lost my sweet, funny little birdie. She died sometime this evening and Katie just found her a bit ago. I'm still all weepy over it and probably will be for days. If any of you all out there are thinking to yourselves, "What the heck? A bird? Who cares?" let me tell you her story. Try not to get all weepy yourself! :)
Her name was Saavik, (after the Star Trek character. Thanks, mom) and she was a beautiful blue-fronted Amazon parrot. My mom got her when I was 6 or 7 years old, and boy, was she a talker... she had quite the vocabulary in those days. I think the previous owner said she was somewhere between 3 and 5, so, let's say she was a little bit younger than me today, probably close to 30. If you don't know, those sorts of birds can live to be 60 and older if they don't have any health problems.
Unfortunately, Saavik did have health problems. When I was 10, and I'll say she was about 7 or 8, she got lead poisoning from chewing on her cage. She had seizures and was foaming at the mouth, and my mom and I rushed her to the vet, where she was diagnosed as very near death. We were told that she could probably be saved, but the treatment would be extremely expensive. My mom was beside herself and somehow talked my grandparents into coughing up many thousands of dollars for the treatment and medication that she required. She stayed at the vet for two weeks, got a little better (out of the woods anyways) and we were finally allowed to take her home.
She was never the same again, however. The poisoning had crippled her for life, and stripped her of her vocabulary. When we got her back, she was so weak. She couldn't even stand and learned to drag herself forward with her beak. For a long time, she lived in a little kennel in my mom's bedroom, because she was too weak to climb or move her wings or do any of the stuff that permits birds to get around in a cage. For months, we had to give her physical therapy: we would lay her on her little bird back and massage her twisted little feet and work her little bird legs for her. We had to hand feed her, bathe her, do everything for her. In those days, we took her everywhere. Sweet little soul. She took it all in stride.
As time passed, she improved a lot. She could never flap her wings again, but she eventually could sort of shrug them and that was really cute. Her little feet were twisted and gnarled for life from the paralysis, but eventually she stood upright just fine and could walk around on the ugly little things, in time gaining enough balance to stand on a perch. The amazing thing about her was her toughness and brightness, she just kept going, and every single thing that made her weak, she compensated for in some other way. Since her feet didn't really work, she used her beak to climb, to balance, and to steady her movements, and after a while got a nice muscular neck going, so she could do everything pretty much as well as any normal (less special) bird. :)
She never got her vocabulary back, but in time she created a whole new lexicon of sounds and would whistle a whole song for you if you gave her the chance. Her favorite was the wolf whistle, which she was just showing off for Katie's mom the other day. She loved all kinds of music, and more than anything, she loved to dance. Her favorite thing in the whole world was if you'd come up to her cage and whistle or hum, and sway back and forth from side to side. She would just dance and dance, swaying right along with you, doing this crazy thing where she turned her head back at a most improbable angle over and over again, shrugging her little shoulders. Aw hell, I miss her so much already. I'm totally crying now.
Saavik lived with my grandma for a long time after my mom died, until my grandma died in fact, and the two of them just brought each other such joy. Now that is a memory that makes me smile. My grandma loved the crap out of that bird, pretty much everyone did who spent any time around her. Just ask Katie if she was any kind of bird lover before, or would've described a bird as having any kind of bird personality, much less an incredible one. LOL! Katie remarked on how much joy and fun we all had together, and how the bird is probably now reunited with my grandma and my cousin Virginia who just passed away, squawking while they try to play cards.
I have a million memories of the bird that make me want to bawl right now, but that will no doubt make me laugh my head off one day. I won't bore you with all of them, but I will share just one. One night, Katie and I are making dinner, and I start singing the guitar riff from "Wipe-out" to the bird (one of her favorites). The bird loves this stuff and starts to dance like a crazy bird. I get a big kick out of this and go sing to her and dance with her at the edge of the kitchen, where her cage stands. She loves this and starts singing along, and she and I are just singin' and dancin' up a blue streak. Then our fat cat Cecil gets jealous and decides she wants in on the action, jumps up on the table next to me and starts standing on her hind legs and pawing at the air and mewling along with us. The three of us are dancing and singing our asses off, Katie and I are dying laughing, and Katie just says, "I love you guys".
That's the kind of joy she brought into our home. I will probably write more about her later (believe it or not), but for now I'm honestly just exhausted and heartbroken. She was so sweet, so personable and funny, a tough little cookie, and just a bundle of happiness for the cost of a peanut. And that's why she will forever be missed.
In honor of Saavik, who was much loved and made us so happy, here's the close of a poem Percy Shelley wrote in honor of another happy bird:
We look before and after,
And pine for what is not:
Our sincerest laughter
With some pain is fraught;
Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought.
Yet, if we could scorn
Hate and pride and fear,
If we were things born
Not to shed a tear,
I know not how thy joy we ever should come near.
Better than all measures
Of delightful sound,
Better than all treasures
That in books are found,
Thy skill to poet were, thou scorner of the ground!
Teach me half the gladness
That thy brain must know;
Such harmonious madness
From my lips would flow,
The world should listen then, as I am listening now.
The day I sent my first law school applications in for review.
The day I got my components back in working order.
The day I saw hundreds of thousands around the US and the world take to the streets in the hope that people like me will eventually be able to be legally married to the ones we love.
The day I saw up close all the different kinds of people engaged in that fight, and knew two things for certain - there is nothing dividing us, not race, religion, or anything else, that can't be overcome; and yes, it really is just a matter of time, and the clock, history, and now the momentum are all on our side.
Today was the day I felt so proud of Katie for marching alone in Phoenix. I mean, she didn't go by herself, she was with friends. but nobody dragged her there. She got up early and went because she wanted to go and thought it was important, and she marched from the City Hall to the Capitol and back (if you know Phoenix, that's hella far). That's my girl. :)
Today was my good friend's 30th birthday. She's accomplished so much, I hope she's proud of herself, though I know those warm fuzzies are in short supply these days. Anyways, I'm proud of her.
Today was, sadly, also the day I lost my sweet, funny little birdie. She died sometime this evening and Katie just found her a bit ago. I'm still all weepy over it and probably will be for days. If any of you all out there are thinking to yourselves, "What the heck? A bird? Who cares?" let me tell you her story. Try not to get all weepy yourself! :)
Her name was Saavik, (after the Star Trek character. Thanks, mom) and she was a beautiful blue-fronted Amazon parrot. My mom got her when I was 6 or 7 years old, and boy, was she a talker... she had quite the vocabulary in those days. I think the previous owner said she was somewhere between 3 and 5, so, let's say she was a little bit younger than me today, probably close to 30. If you don't know, those sorts of birds can live to be 60 and older if they don't have any health problems.
Unfortunately, Saavik did have health problems. When I was 10, and I'll say she was about 7 or 8, she got lead poisoning from chewing on her cage. She had seizures and was foaming at the mouth, and my mom and I rushed her to the vet, where she was diagnosed as very near death. We were told that she could probably be saved, but the treatment would be extremely expensive. My mom was beside herself and somehow talked my grandparents into coughing up many thousands of dollars for the treatment and medication that she required. She stayed at the vet for two weeks, got a little better (out of the woods anyways) and we were finally allowed to take her home.
She was never the same again, however. The poisoning had crippled her for life, and stripped her of her vocabulary. When we got her back, she was so weak. She couldn't even stand and learned to drag herself forward with her beak. For a long time, she lived in a little kennel in my mom's bedroom, because she was too weak to climb or move her wings or do any of the stuff that permits birds to get around in a cage. For months, we had to give her physical therapy: we would lay her on her little bird back and massage her twisted little feet and work her little bird legs for her. We had to hand feed her, bathe her, do everything for her. In those days, we took her everywhere. Sweet little soul. She took it all in stride.
As time passed, she improved a lot. She could never flap her wings again, but she eventually could sort of shrug them and that was really cute. Her little feet were twisted and gnarled for life from the paralysis, but eventually she stood upright just fine and could walk around on the ugly little things, in time gaining enough balance to stand on a perch. The amazing thing about her was her toughness and brightness, she just kept going, and every single thing that made her weak, she compensated for in some other way. Since her feet didn't really work, she used her beak to climb, to balance, and to steady her movements, and after a while got a nice muscular neck going, so she could do everything pretty much as well as any normal (less special) bird. :)
She never got her vocabulary back, but in time she created a whole new lexicon of sounds and would whistle a whole song for you if you gave her the chance. Her favorite was the wolf whistle, which she was just showing off for Katie's mom the other day. She loved all kinds of music, and more than anything, she loved to dance. Her favorite thing in the whole world was if you'd come up to her cage and whistle or hum, and sway back and forth from side to side. She would just dance and dance, swaying right along with you, doing this crazy thing where she turned her head back at a most improbable angle over and over again, shrugging her little shoulders. Aw hell, I miss her so much already. I'm totally crying now.
Saavik lived with my grandma for a long time after my mom died, until my grandma died in fact, and the two of them just brought each other such joy. Now that is a memory that makes me smile. My grandma loved the crap out of that bird, pretty much everyone did who spent any time around her. Just ask Katie if she was any kind of bird lover before, or would've described a bird as having any kind of bird personality, much less an incredible one. LOL! Katie remarked on how much joy and fun we all had together, and how the bird is probably now reunited with my grandma and my cousin Virginia who just passed away, squawking while they try to play cards.
I have a million memories of the bird that make me want to bawl right now, but that will no doubt make me laugh my head off one day. I won't bore you with all of them, but I will share just one. One night, Katie and I are making dinner, and I start singing the guitar riff from "Wipe-out" to the bird (one of her favorites). The bird loves this stuff and starts to dance like a crazy bird. I get a big kick out of this and go sing to her and dance with her at the edge of the kitchen, where her cage stands. She loves this and starts singing along, and she and I are just singin' and dancin' up a blue streak. Then our fat cat Cecil gets jealous and decides she wants in on the action, jumps up on the table next to me and starts standing on her hind legs and pawing at the air and mewling along with us. The three of us are dancing and singing our asses off, Katie and I are dying laughing, and Katie just says, "I love you guys".
That's the kind of joy she brought into our home. I will probably write more about her later (believe it or not), but for now I'm honestly just exhausted and heartbroken. She was so sweet, so personable and funny, a tough little cookie, and just a bundle of happiness for the cost of a peanut. And that's why she will forever be missed.
In honor of Saavik, who was much loved and made us so happy, here's the close of a poem Percy Shelley wrote in honor of another happy bird:
We look before and after,
And pine for what is not:
Our sincerest laughter
With some pain is fraught;
Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought.
Yet, if we could scorn
Hate and pride and fear,
If we were things born
Not to shed a tear,
I know not how thy joy we ever should come near.
Better than all measures
Of delightful sound,
Better than all treasures
That in books are found,
Thy skill to poet were, thou scorner of the ground!
Teach me half the gladness
That thy brain must know;
Such harmonious madness
From my lips would flow,
The world should listen then, as I am listening now.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Today....
I'm tired, kind of blah, and need to get out of the house, also clean the house, and definitely focus on my personal statement. I've been waiting for my last recommendation to come in and it gives me an excuse to put off finishing it.... but before I know it, that last rec will come in, and when it does, I need to be ready to send everything out ASAP. So, no more excuses. Tonight, I will take myself on a date; tomorrow, I will clean and finish my PS. Dangit.
:P
:P
>: / Language Alert! Anger Alert! Prop 8 and GLBT Betrayal.
All this talk about Prop 8 is really just making me sad and angry. Yes, there's hope, it's only a matter of time, it is an inevitability, the legal arguments are all there, eventually our cause will win even in the harsher courts of public opinion, yada yada yada. So why do I feel so fucked up? Why do I feel so damned betrayed when I hear my well-intentioned gay brethren say that we have to stop suing and make nice with the public before we can win the courts? That's just ignorant. That's mere denial. Change of this caliber never begins with the public, though it is important to note that it is eventually cemented and flourishes inside public opinion. To be frank, I don't really care if we piss people off by being litigious, because the court is where things happen! If it were up to the public at large to change things, we would all be screwed. It requires leadership for a nation of this size and diversity to change fundamentally. The herd, unfortunately, will not lead itself to the pasture.
Look... It does me no good to walk down the street and get 20 people to agree that I am a perfectly nice lesbian and a decent American who has the right to marry my partner of many years. There are another 20 (at least) waiting around the corner to try to ex-gay me, to physically assault me, to call me a fat dyke, to tell me I'm confused, to explain why their deity has compelled them to vote away my rights again and again, to shriek that I am taking something special away from them, to shield their children from my gaze, to openly express distaste, and to impose their personal beliefs on my civil life. Somewhere, my gay brethren assert, there are another ten lurking about in the shadows, another ten who are ambivalent, or on the fence, or don't really care what anybody does, or sort of think that being gay is gross but don't really mind if we want to get married, or think that marriage is kind of stupid and that it's odd we would desire it, or "have some gay friends" and are sympathetic but kind of think that marriage is a hetero thing. These ten, my comrades assert, are the prizes. Whoever wins their support will have the ever-so-treasured majority of public opinion.
Um, fuckin' ridiculous. I reject that completely. It's supposed to be my job to convince people who don't really give a shit about anything, or whose distaste for me is merely mild or generic or solely secular in nature, that I'm a whole person and an equal American citizen? Hell with that. My optimistic brethren assert that simply by living long enough among these 10 people, and even among some of the nastier 20, that American gays will win hearts and minds, like the nice and funny gays on Will and Grace did. We're harmless, we're normal, we're jolly, we sweetly and docilely wait on the sidelines for our fair shake. We would never sue you. Come see us in our natural habitats, from WeHo, the Village, and the Castro, on into the suburbs and rural America. Gosh, we're just like you!
This may sound terrible... but I don't need any of those 50 people to be OK with my sexuality, my relationships, my personal "choices", or my "lifestyle". Granted, it can be surprising, encouraging, and make a great difference in my day, or my life, when I encounter the supportive ones; however, that support neither solely nor primarily endows me with the freedom to live my life as I see fit, no matter how it alleviates my burden and lifts my spirits. Only the rule of law can guarantee that, and when it comes to minority rights, that rule is not up to the majority; thank goodness, because the majority rarely espouses the rights of the minority, particularly in the case where as pervasive an influence as the Church has convinced them that we are taking something away from them that God gave especially to them. I do not blame all believers, and I have been personally buoyed by many who gave their time, money, and understanding to our cause. In fact, I don't much tend to blame the people themselves, even the nasty ones. They are only repeating what they have been taught, on the behalf of an Authority that they believe is absolute.
Which brings me to my point... there will be plenty of people who can never be convinced that we deserve equality, just as surely as there are blatant racists in our country today, even after all of the progress that has been made. The black man sitting at the lunch counter didn't need the white patrons to feel great about him sitting there, though it surely couldn't have hurt; he needed the power of the law, the edicts of the court behind him, to make certain they knew that no matter what they felt about it, he had the right to sit there just as they did. The black girl ascending the steps into the school filled with white students didn't need the other students or their parents to be okay with her presence, although if they had been, maybe she wouldn't have needed the armed detail; she needed only for them to understand that the law was on her side, and she was acting as it was her right to do. This was her right, which many would say was "God-given"; this was her right, in fact hers by birth as an American citizen, anyone's religious beliefs notwithstanding.
Just as relevant, if perhaps less palatable to many: John Lawrence and Tyron Gardner didn't need the Texas cops who barged into the apartment to be happy about catching them entwined; they simply needed the court to make it perfectly clear that what they were doing was no crime. Remember this, if you start to feel too optimistic about our current situation; these men were arrested ten years ago, and the case was decided a touch over five years ago. Up until that point, it was still illegal to engage in homosexual activity in several states. FIVE YEARS AGO. In fact, the 2000 measure to ban gay marriage in the California civil code, with the much-touted 61%-39% result, took place when the federal legal precedent was that gay folks had no particular rights to privacy or anything else that others enjoyed. Not terribly surprising, right? What I do find surprising is that now, eight years later, gays are no longer on trial in the legal sense, even if they remain so in the sociocultural sense, and yet, in eight years, even with our personal lives decriminalized, we've only managed to convince 9% of Californians that gay marriage is OK? Even with us "living amongst them" in domestic partnerships, first the "lite" variety, then the full-blown sort established in 2005? And even including the unknown, but possibly significant, percentage of Californians who had no problem adjusting the civil code but balked at amending the Constitution?
These people, the Californians, as a whole possibly some of the most tolerant and socially moderate people in the country, are the ones I'm supposed to trust with the basic expressions of my humanity? Can I vote to only trust half of them? The other half, or just a bit more in fact, will plainly not be reliable in that regard. But I'm supposed to break 'em down and convince them, of what, that I'm cool? Not gonna prey on their daughters? My gay male friends are OK to teach their children? And.... you want me to shout louder than the preachers in their pulpits? Because no matter how long we "live next door" or "work at the same place" or "send our kids to the same school", that sound of entitlement coming from their faiths is one I can not drown out, no matter how normal and adorable I become.
Know what? Thanks to the ACLU and friends, I won't have to, because the rule of law is on my side... and that means that someday, being accepted for who I am can go back to being a simple joy, as opposed to an obnoxious and burdensome agenda.
Look... It does me no good to walk down the street and get 20 people to agree that I am a perfectly nice lesbian and a decent American who has the right to marry my partner of many years. There are another 20 (at least) waiting around the corner to try to ex-gay me, to physically assault me, to call me a fat dyke, to tell me I'm confused, to explain why their deity has compelled them to vote away my rights again and again, to shriek that I am taking something special away from them, to shield their children from my gaze, to openly express distaste, and to impose their personal beliefs on my civil life. Somewhere, my gay brethren assert, there are another ten lurking about in the shadows, another ten who are ambivalent, or on the fence, or don't really care what anybody does, or sort of think that being gay is gross but don't really mind if we want to get married, or think that marriage is kind of stupid and that it's odd we would desire it, or "have some gay friends" and are sympathetic but kind of think that marriage is a hetero thing. These ten, my comrades assert, are the prizes. Whoever wins their support will have the ever-so-treasured majority of public opinion.
Um, fuckin' ridiculous. I reject that completely. It's supposed to be my job to convince people who don't really give a shit about anything, or whose distaste for me is merely mild or generic or solely secular in nature, that I'm a whole person and an equal American citizen? Hell with that. My optimistic brethren assert that simply by living long enough among these 10 people, and even among some of the nastier 20, that American gays will win hearts and minds, like the nice and funny gays on Will and Grace did. We're harmless, we're normal, we're jolly, we sweetly and docilely wait on the sidelines for our fair shake. We would never sue you. Come see us in our natural habitats, from WeHo, the Village, and the Castro, on into the suburbs and rural America. Gosh, we're just like you!
This may sound terrible... but I don't need any of those 50 people to be OK with my sexuality, my relationships, my personal "choices", or my "lifestyle". Granted, it can be surprising, encouraging, and make a great difference in my day, or my life, when I encounter the supportive ones; however, that support neither solely nor primarily endows me with the freedom to live my life as I see fit, no matter how it alleviates my burden and lifts my spirits. Only the rule of law can guarantee that, and when it comes to minority rights, that rule is not up to the majority; thank goodness, because the majority rarely espouses the rights of the minority, particularly in the case where as pervasive an influence as the Church has convinced them that we are taking something away from them that God gave especially to them. I do not blame all believers, and I have been personally buoyed by many who gave their time, money, and understanding to our cause. In fact, I don't much tend to blame the people themselves, even the nasty ones. They are only repeating what they have been taught, on the behalf of an Authority that they believe is absolute.
Which brings me to my point... there will be plenty of people who can never be convinced that we deserve equality, just as surely as there are blatant racists in our country today, even after all of the progress that has been made. The black man sitting at the lunch counter didn't need the white patrons to feel great about him sitting there, though it surely couldn't have hurt; he needed the power of the law, the edicts of the court behind him, to make certain they knew that no matter what they felt about it, he had the right to sit there just as they did. The black girl ascending the steps into the school filled with white students didn't need the other students or their parents to be okay with her presence, although if they had been, maybe she wouldn't have needed the armed detail; she needed only for them to understand that the law was on her side, and she was acting as it was her right to do. This was her right, which many would say was "God-given"; this was her right, in fact hers by birth as an American citizen, anyone's religious beliefs notwithstanding.
Just as relevant, if perhaps less palatable to many: John Lawrence and Tyron Gardner didn't need the Texas cops who barged into the apartment to be happy about catching them entwined; they simply needed the court to make it perfectly clear that what they were doing was no crime. Remember this, if you start to feel too optimistic about our current situation; these men were arrested ten years ago, and the case was decided a touch over five years ago. Up until that point, it was still illegal to engage in homosexual activity in several states. FIVE YEARS AGO. In fact, the 2000 measure to ban gay marriage in the California civil code, with the much-touted 61%-39% result, took place when the federal legal precedent was that gay folks had no particular rights to privacy or anything else that others enjoyed. Not terribly surprising, right? What I do find surprising is that now, eight years later, gays are no longer on trial in the legal sense, even if they remain so in the sociocultural sense, and yet, in eight years, even with our personal lives decriminalized, we've only managed to convince 9% of Californians that gay marriage is OK? Even with us "living amongst them" in domestic partnerships, first the "lite" variety, then the full-blown sort established in 2005? And even including the unknown, but possibly significant, percentage of Californians who had no problem adjusting the civil code but balked at amending the Constitution?
These people, the Californians, as a whole possibly some of the most tolerant and socially moderate people in the country, are the ones I'm supposed to trust with the basic expressions of my humanity? Can I vote to only trust half of them? The other half, or just a bit more in fact, will plainly not be reliable in that regard. But I'm supposed to break 'em down and convince them, of what, that I'm cool? Not gonna prey on their daughters? My gay male friends are OK to teach their children? And.... you want me to shout louder than the preachers in their pulpits? Because no matter how long we "live next door" or "work at the same place" or "send our kids to the same school", that sound of entitlement coming from their faiths is one I can not drown out, no matter how normal and adorable I become.
Know what? Thanks to the ACLU and friends, I won't have to, because the rule of law is on my side... and that means that someday, being accepted for who I am can go back to being a simple joy, as opposed to an obnoxious and burdensome agenda.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Tonight
I have to get back to work on my statements. They are driving me craaaaazy. I don't usually get this much time to edit and I think it is screwing me over a bit.
Back to square one. Ugh
Back to square one. Ugh
Friday, October 24, 2008
Notes on my Friday... regarding CA Prop 8 and AZ Prop 102
This all started because a friend of mine wrote that an organization in which her dad's involved was a big supporter of CA Prop 8, aiming to constitutionally ban gay marriage and take away the marriages that have already been performed there. It's an interesting series of points about how fairly minute differences in state civics can make huge differences in how rights are protected in different states... in particular, the differences between states with "direct-democratic" principles like initiative, referendum, and recall, and states that adhere to the original representative frameworks. I've put it in temporal order for legibility's sake.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Erika
Date: Oct 24, 2008 1:00 PM
Well, yeah, KofC is a Catholic organization. So... most of the big opponents are affiliated with religion in some way. Nothing helps a community like keeping non-traditional families weak, you know! It's gross. I spent a whole day the other day looking at all the people and organizations who've donated directly. You can look at it here:
http://www. latimes. com/news/local/la-moneymap,0,2198220. htmlstory
The good news is that in the last few weeks we've pulled even with them money-wise. The bad news is that a higher percentage of our support comes from outside CA, though that may not necessarily translate to fewer votes, it may be just weaker organization within CA. I fear that come election day I'll have a mixed bag and be so happy about President Obama and be so sad about this. It could still get shot down though... I really hope it does.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: (my friend)
Date: Oct 24, 2008 5:40 PM
i guess i don't totally understand prop 8. i mean, isn't gay marriage legal in ca now? are they trying to reverse that? it's just crazy. i keep thinking about the non-traditional thing too... i want to propose a ban on gay marriage and add "and inter-racial "marriage," because the bible preaches slavery" to the bottom of it... then we can see how many people check their "values"
but anyway - it's good to see that the contributions are neck and neck even though there's all those corporate supporters. easy answer: stop recognizing marriage as a legal bond and they can keep marriage. i would rather have it legal though.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Erika
Date: Oct 24, 2008 1:00 PM
Well, yeah, KofC is a Catholic organization. So... most of the big opponents are affiliated with religion in some way. Nothing helps a community like keeping non-traditional families weak, you know! It's gross. I spent a whole day the other day looking at all the people and organizations who've donated directly. You can look at it here:
http://www. latimes. com/news/local/la-moneymap,0,2198220. htmlstory
The good news is that in the last few weeks we've pulled even with them money-wise. The bad news is that a higher percentage of our support comes from outside CA, though that may not necessarily translate to fewer votes, it may be just weaker organization within CA. I fear that come election day I'll have a mixed bag and be so happy about President Obama and be so sad about this. It could still get shot down though... I really hope it does.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: (my friend)
Date: Oct 24, 2008 5:40 PM
i guess i don't totally understand prop 8. i mean, isn't gay marriage legal in ca now? are they trying to reverse that? it's just crazy. i keep thinking about the non-traditional thing too... i want to propose a ban on gay marriage and add "and inter-racial "marriage," because the bible preaches slavery" to the bottom of it... then we can see how many people check their "values"
but anyway - it's good to see that the contributions are neck and neck even though there's all those corporate supporters. easy answer: stop recognizing marriage as a legal bond and they can keep marriage. i would rather have it legal though.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Erika
Date: Oct 24, 2008 6:38 PM
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Weird Morning
Well...
First of all, I had made up my mind last night that I was going to go "into town" (as the locals say) today and visit the Public Gardens and the Common. This is probably my favorite spot in the city and the leaves are turning so I thought it'd be a nice little diversion. However it is a dreary day and it has been "raining" all night. I put raining in quotes because it's more like a constant dribbling mist. If it were a tiny bit colder I guess it'd be sleet. But anyways, I think the Gardens are out today, as it's cold, wet, and windy too. Maybe I'll do a museum or something instead.
Secondly... they are doing some kind of construction on my block the last few weeks and there's now a porta-potty parked in the neutral ground directly in front of my building. When I go out to smoke I have the dubious pleasure of watching the workers go in and out. This actually amuses me to no end but I wonder if it makes them uncomfortable that some random person is standing 30 feet away while they do their business. Heh. Made me think of this:
First of all, I had made up my mind last night that I was going to go "into town" (as the locals say) today and visit the Public Gardens and the Common. This is probably my favorite spot in the city and the leaves are turning so I thought it'd be a nice little diversion. However it is a dreary day and it has been "raining" all night. I put raining in quotes because it's more like a constant dribbling mist. If it were a tiny bit colder I guess it'd be sleet. But anyways, I think the Gardens are out today, as it's cold, wet, and windy too. Maybe I'll do a museum or something instead.
Secondly... they are doing some kind of construction on my block the last few weeks and there's now a porta-potty parked in the neutral ground directly in front of my building. When I go out to smoke I have the dubious pleasure of watching the workers go in and out. This actually amuses me to no end but I wonder if it makes them uncomfortable that some random person is standing 30 feet away while they do their business. Heh. Made me think of this:
It's a working public toilet and also an art installation, part of an installation amusingly titled "Don't Miss a Sec". Like, even if you have to make a pit stop, you can still see what's going on around you. It's enclosed in one-way glass like they use in the viewing rooms at police stations. So you can do your thang and still feel connected to the outside world, which of course provokes the question of who exactly wants to have that experience. Gooooood stuff.
Finally, there has been a flock of seagulls (actual birds, not the 80s band) all around the neighborhood lately and today they are hopping around outside the building. I wonder if this has anything to do with the workers, like if they're leaving trash, etc. Whatevs.
Oh, yeah. For posterity, I'm gonna start importing all my old blogwork from MySpace and LiveJournal. Keep it all nice and orderly. There's a lot, especially from LJ, so it'll be an ongoing project. It'll all be dated with original dates so none will show up on top, but it'll make for some good digging one day when I'm bored or you're curious.
Getting a bit of activity on my fundraising page, which makes me feel really good. If you still haven't given, please drop by and do so! http://www.actblue.com/page/erikaseven
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Sunday Musings
I decided to write because my cat is talking in her sleep, and I can't get over that. Someday I'll have to record it so I can save it for posterity. Too good.
The last few days I've been thinking about friendships and expectations and all kindsa other stuff along those lines. It's funny how easy it is for me to share my political beliefs or my thoughts on current affairs, but not my feelings about my life and what's going on with me. At least, not here. Who knows who'll read this thing? I've already gotten a couple of comments (outrageous and therefore deleted) from anonymous nutjobs who obviously searched the Blogger site and found my humble blog somehow. But I don't want to clamp down, I want this site to be open and easy to read and respond to. I guess I'll keep it moderately distant so that I don't have to feel all violated by the prying eyes of random strangers!
So, I'm thinking about disappointments.... the times that I've disappointed others, and the times they've disappointed me. Through it all I know I have something so good, someone that I trust so much, who trusts me so much, and that gives me more hope than I would have ever expected to know. However, it also makes it hard to accept the failings of others, and of my self toward others. It's spoiled me a bit, and the part of me that remains blithe and naive doesn't understand why everything can't be like that, why anyone wants to screw anyone else over. But I get it, or at least the part of me that hasn't been protected all these years gets it. Too many things get in the way, even when we want to do right by others. In the end, we're lucky if we have anyone at all to whom we do not feel we have been a grave disappointment.
Meow, meow, meow... Debbie Downer. Just thinking "aloud". It's never as bad as it sounds.
UPDATE: I just went outside to smoke, and every single person who passed had some kind of douchey look on their face, as if to confirm all of my low thoughts about the state of human interactions. BTW, I live on a pretty busy street. Heh.
The last few days I've been thinking about friendships and expectations and all kindsa other stuff along those lines. It's funny how easy it is for me to share my political beliefs or my thoughts on current affairs, but not my feelings about my life and what's going on with me. At least, not here. Who knows who'll read this thing? I've already gotten a couple of comments (outrageous and therefore deleted) from anonymous nutjobs who obviously searched the Blogger site and found my humble blog somehow. But I don't want to clamp down, I want this site to be open and easy to read and respond to. I guess I'll keep it moderately distant so that I don't have to feel all violated by the prying eyes of random strangers!
So, I'm thinking about disappointments.... the times that I've disappointed others, and the times they've disappointed me. Through it all I know I have something so good, someone that I trust so much, who trusts me so much, and that gives me more hope than I would have ever expected to know. However, it also makes it hard to accept the failings of others, and of my self toward others. It's spoiled me a bit, and the part of me that remains blithe and naive doesn't understand why everything can't be like that, why anyone wants to screw anyone else over. But I get it, or at least the part of me that hasn't been protected all these years gets it. Too many things get in the way, even when we want to do right by others. In the end, we're lucky if we have anyone at all to whom we do not feel we have been a grave disappointment.
Meow, meow, meow... Debbie Downer. Just thinking "aloud". It's never as bad as it sounds.
UPDATE: I just went outside to smoke, and every single person who passed had some kind of douchey look on their face, as if to confirm all of my low thoughts about the state of human interactions. BTW, I live on a pretty busy street. Heh.
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